Letters to Jon Suh

The elusive Jon Suh, always disappearing, going MIA and generally not existing. To get his attention I attempted to stir his interest with a couple of letters I would send daily:

Hey, Jon
Last night we went to see Transformers 2 and my god, there was this Fatalis in the seat behind us. So LOUD, constantly laughing at the stupidest things and yelling out the transformer's names when they came on screen then cheering. Wow it was awful. We really need to kill that guy.


Sup Jon!
The other day I made some applecrisp for the family. I set it out to cool in the back and you wouldn't believe what happened. A damn Fatalis came up and ate half the damn thing! What is with those guys? We really need to do something about them.


So Jon, I was thinking of driving over to your place today but a fatalis broke one of the car windows and stole the thumb dials off the car radio. I couldn't believe it! What does a fatalis need with thumb dials? Probably wouldn't fetch much for them. I say we take this loser OUT.


Wasn't it your birthday yesterday? I wouldn't want to miss that. Always goodtimes! I love that chair. I heard a fatalis broke it or something. Don't you just hate those guys? Why don't you come over, we'll eat and take one out.


Ok enough is enough. I was asked to make tortellini salad for dinner, so I go to pick up the stuff from no frills. What do I see when I get there? Fatalis! Shoppingcart full of meat tortellini! None left in the fridge. What a jerk. It's like he knew I needed it. Fatalis has been everywhere in the past week stirring up trouble. We need to kill this thing before it bothers us anymore. What do you say?

Sadly these letters did not save Jon Suh from the abyss of non-existence.